THE OBJECT OF MY AFFECTION by: sunny rasheed lucman pacasum

I know you will find this a bit unusual. I honestly can't remember the last time I wrote to you. I have this unexplainable urge to tell you something that I have been keeping inside for the longest time. You know I'm not really good when it comes to pouring out my feelings. It's just that I'm wondering at this very moment if you're thinking of me. If like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. I am not the typical person who weaves in and out of relationships. I see few people and take my walks alone and at every beautiful spot I wish you were there. Many times I thought I finally found you, only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I knew I was foolish for even entertaining the thought of considering someone else. I wake up each morning hoping to meet you. I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as fictional movies that perpetuate the idea of hopeless romanticism? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other for our souls have been predestined for cupid's sanctuary? Honey, how I wish you were here beside me right now because you are the only one who could answer my questions. Sometimes I ask myself if I have really known love. I do not have the answer to that question, but I believe in my heart that I will never know what love is until I find the right person, the person I could believe to be my better half. I know that the day will come when my unwritten destiny will lead me to you. And since I have not found you yet then maybe I do not really know what love is! Do you know, when I think of you, I have been feeling ashamed for thinking of you so much, of thinking of only you? Which is too much, perhaps I should tell you. It seems to me that no woman was ever before to any man what you are to me. You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like for you to be in my arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps your infectious smile, your long black hair or maybe your laughter that I have never heard before'll draw me to you. I don't really know for sure but inshallah, God will help me recognize you when the right time comes. When I think of all the pain that I have been through in the past and for the tears I have shed since the day I began my search, I just want you to know that I find strength in holding onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me, the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart, I know that you are worth all the pain and sacrifices. After all, the tears have been a part of my life, slowly washing away my flaws so that I would be perfect not in it's truest sense. But just perfect for you! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well and if you've been hurt so many times. I worry more about you, then I worry about me because I fear the pain you might have gone through along the journey. There are no words to express my sorrow for this, and I am at a loss for words. But, honey, please don't ever give up because I am right here, patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find eachother. My love will slowly heal those wounds. My heart will answer to your voice and the blood in my veins to your footsteps. And protect you from harm's way with everything that I have and everything that I am. Honey, I don't know when I will see you or what the world will be when I do. We may both have seen horrible things. But I will think of you everytime I need to be reminded that there is beauty and goodness in this world. Tonight I will look out my window and stare at the beautiful stars, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I will pray to Allah to send all his angels from heaven to watch over you while you sleep and send all my cries to the heavens thinking that in time they would reach you. And if there will be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my sweet kisses. Or the cool air wrapped around you shall be my spirit passing by. And when I am lost and lonely, I will just close my eyes and believe that you are on my way and that you are longing to see me as well. In my many unspoken words, my silence spoke a thousand times louder but I guess it never reached you. When I finally fall asleep, you are always in my dreams. It seems that for now that is the only place where I can hold on to you long enough to tell you how much I love you. That I love you more today than I ever in my life before, that I have never seen beauty without thinking of you, or felt happiness without thinking of you. That you have fulfilled all my ambition, realized all my hopes, made all my dreams come true. And that I have felt for you all kinds of love at once. I'm so sorry if I'm not able to tell you this personally. So wherever you are and whenever this is, I love you. I love you now as I write this, and I love you now as you read this. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love. And this all the more make me want to wake up and face a new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, inshallah, you will no longer be a dream but a reality. Having you gives me good reason to wake up each morning with happy thoughts that can be the most wonderful experience there could be. Once again, I am assured that you are worth the wait. By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life. And I would be very thankful to Allah because they all led me to you! In the meantime take care of yourself for me. Hold on to your dreams and don't think of letting go. Go for the things that are within reach, but never get tired of aiming higher after each success. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. Allah has planned the course. Don't worry, don't be afraid of getting lost. Allah, the Lord of the worlds, saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose lead to me. WASSALAM!

Sunny Rasheed 20, is a student of De Lasalle University CSB. For comments, you can e-mail the writer at santino_101@hotmail.com...http://www.maranao.com

About the Author

Im d nicest mean person U'll evr meet Or maybe it's d meanest nice person..I guess d best way 2 describe me is dat I am just an average guy who is into all sorts of hobbies..Im an adrenaline junkie I believe fear causes hesitation & hesitation causes ur worst fears 2 come true..So there's no other way but 2 face ur greatest fear head on..I love 2 converse about anything & everything under d sun..& would love 2 do that over a cup of coffee & a pac