More common than you may think, both men and women have a fear that they are not going to perform in the bedroom.

These thoughts are so common for both men and women, especially when having sex for the first time with each other.

When the time comes to engage in that special moment fears can run so intensely in either partner's head.

Am I going to perform well?

Am I big enough?

What if she doesn't orgasm?

What if I cum too early? Either partner can have body image insecurities.

I'm wearing a push-up bar, what is he going to think when I take it off? Will he be disappointed? Either partner can feel uncomfortable for the first time, just even being naked can bring on anxiety.

For many people anxiety takes over their thoughts and this can make things even worse. If you are in the bedroom and magic is about to begin and all you can think about are your insecurities, then inevitably this is going to ruin the magic. Or if you are out to dinner and all you can think about is - is tonight the night?, then not only are you going to ruin your dinner, but you are going to torment yourself for longer. Think positive

You have to get positive thoughts into your head. If you are out at dinner and you think tonight is the night, don't let anxiety overwhelm you. Instead, think of all the ways you are going to please the other person and keep the positive thinking alive. Take it slowly

When you get to the bedroom, start out slow, you don't have to just into each other's pants straight away. Start with kissing and caressing and getting comfortable with the other person. Feel up and down the clothes and get each other hot and horny. This may help take your mind off performance anxieties.

For girls it is more often than not that they don't cum without clitoral stimulation, so make sure you stimulate her clitoris. Make it easy on yourself and make sure you do this. If you feel like you are going to cum early then slow the rhythm down so you can last longer. If you do cum early, and you aren't a multi-orgasmic person, don't beat yourself up. Accidents happen and if you do cum early it is a sure sign that you have enjoyed yourself! If this does happen do something nice to the other person like going down on them, if you haven't already done so. Positive, positive positive

The thing is while one person is having performance anxiety, the likelihood is that the other person is going through the exact same thing. The only thing that is going to stop your heart racing a million times an hour, and stop you wondering what the other person is thinking, is if you remain positive. This is so important.

By remaining positive you and the other person are more likely to enjoy your sexual encounter. If you look and feel nervous you are going to pass this onto the other person, and if they aren't feeling nervous they soon will be.

This is supposed to be an enjoyable experience! Keep that though in your head when you take the action to the bed!

About the Author

Written by Suzie Harris, an expert on all things that happen in the bedroom, particularly love, sex toys and romance. She is the chief contributor to The Lazy Stud http://www.thelazystud.com.au