Hello, my name is Sarah, and I'm a Perfectionist.
For most of my life, I've been afraid of making mistakes - afraid of looking like a fool, afraid of having to do something more than once, afraid that people will think that I'm not "good enough" or "smart enough". I remember in 6th grade, a teacher of mine wrote the following comment on my report card: "Sarah fakes it till she makes it." I was completely offended. I decided then and there that no one would accuse me of "faking it" in life again. Behold the birth of a perfectionist.
What I didn't realize was that the life of the perfectionist isn't always that rosy either. It takes a lot of work to avoid making mistakes! You spend an obscene amount of time double- and triple-checking little details. You try to predict all possible outcomes of a situation so you can be prepared for anything. You get annoyed with yourself when you DO make a mistake (since - inevitably - the world will conspire to catch us off guard). I suppose that's the biggest problem with being a perfectionist: it's an impossible goal.
It's taken me a long time (my whole adult life!) to realize that being a perfectionist isn't all it's cracked up to be. I've started to realize that I'm missing out on (or, more accurately, avoiding) some of the best parts of this journey called life, simply because I've been afraid of being fallible, of being human. Well, as a recovering perfectionist, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind other perfectionists out there of what they're missing:
1) Free time. Since it's no longer necessary to be awesome at everything I do, I've been able to define those things that I KNOW I'm just not very good at (like math, for one). Acknowledging my personal limitations in certain areas has freed me up to focus on the things I know I really am good at (and actually enjoy doing!). I don't spend nearly as much time trying to kick ass at something that I don't naturally excel at.
2) Self-Love. It's a wonderful feeling to allow yourself to just be who you are. When you stop trying so hard to make it look like you've got everything under control, all of a sudden you lose the need to prove to anyone else that you're a good person. Your natural strengths and weaknesses just are what they are. More than that, your strengths and weaknesses make you completely unique. Instead of a robot that's just like everyone else, you become a rare and precious person. You become dynamic and interesting. It's much easier to appreciate yourself when you learn to love your shortfalls just as much as your talents.
3) Connection with others. There's a great line in the movie "Two Weeks Notice" with Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock plays a stuffy (perfectionist) attorney who works for Hugh Grant, a fun-loving, successful business man. At the end of the movie, Hugh's character finally tells Sandra's: "Nobody likes Saints. Saints are boring!" It's true! How many people do you want to hang out with who correct your grammar all the time, tell you all about their accomplishments and follow along behind you to fix your mistakes? I don't know about you, but I'd rather spend time with the person who can laugh at themselves and enjoy life. As a bonus, being imperfect actually endears you to others. All of a sudden, people not only tolerate you, they can relate to you.
4) Valuable life lessons. People always say we learn the most from our failures, our mistakes. I think there are other ways to learn valuable lessons in life as well, but this way really does work! Every so often, I'll screw up big-time. I'll go for the gold, and I'll end up barely finishing last. But what I learn from those experiences is that it's really NOT about the accomplishment. It's not about the thing we're trying to achieve. It's about building solid personal character, and allowing life to seep into our bones. The destination may be a nice bonus, but the journey is really what it's all about. Take the time to appreciate the little steps along the way, and when you get to the end of the road, you'll look back with some fantastic memories (and maybe even a few stories to tell your grandchildren).
One of my favorite quotes is: "Life is not meant to be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive, well preserved body. Instead live life to the fullest... slide in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other screaming "WOOOHOOO what a ride!!" You're simply not going to have a wild ride if you're trying like hell to make it all perfect. Just go for it, don't worry so much, and enjoy the ride!
About the Author
Sarah M. Schultz, MA, CPC is a certified Personal Development Coach in Park City, UT. Sarah coaches teens and college graduates in identifying their personal values, developing an authentic identity and building a passionate life. Register for your free copy of her article "Self-Reliance: 7 Tips for Finding Your Strength Within" on her website at: http://www.newheightslifecoaching.com.
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