How Dare She! Out of desperation, I learned how to FORGIVE...
(Author "My Friend Yu - The Prosperity Mentor," Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)
*Below is an excerpt from "My Friend Yu - The Prosperity Mentor: Book II. Release Date: December 2007/January 2008. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.
My girlfriend did it to me again! Here I am, at home waiting and wondering where she is - again, getting more furious by the minute. Doesn't she know that I hate waiting for anyone? Doesn't she know that it's a blatant act of disrespect to me when she's late, especially late with no explanation? How dare she do this to me! "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!" This is it. I'm gon'na throw in the towel.
Besides, I have no trouble finding new girlfriends. It's easy for me. Just turn on the charm, flash a smile, feign shyness, mimic body language, maneuver into some instantly bonding (and surprisingly intimate) conversation, listen intently, and presto-chango, a new lover is queued.
It never fails. As soon as the body language is reciprocated, I know I've found my next potential romance.
It's just that...well, I really love my girlfriend and I always miss her so badly when we're apart.
I've been worried, angry, lonely, and depressed for the last few hours. Why am I feeling so crappy? Why do these situations (being left alone, feeling neglected, and unappreciated) always bring out the worst in me?
Is it because of my past?
From early adolescence, starting relationships was a piece of cake. I was an athletic, tanned Asian growing up in the land where brown skin and a fit body were (and still are) hot commodities - the United States.
But sustaining relationships was always a big challenge for me. Sooner or later, the grass always seemed greener.
I had the ability to be the ultimate Shape-Shifter. Like a chameleon, I would change personalities, demeanors, languages, and sometimes, appearances at will to fit into any social situation - or appeal to any particular feminine appetite.
In romance, I'd played - no, I'd "been" - all the roles (e.g., the hopeless romantic, the loyal best friend/lover, the playboy, the "angry at the world" bad boy, the traditional husband, the mystery man, the "open book," the intellectual, the artist, the athlete, the businessman, etc.). You name the type and I could produce an award-winning facsimile. And with every new relationship I had learned (and became) "the man of her dreams."
But none of these roles could sustain a marriage and/or relationship for any substantial length of time.
Puzzling. Why couldn't I just be "happy" in a long-term relationship? I thought I did everything right. I'd checked all the required blocks; having almost all the qualifications to be any woman's "catch of the century."
Initially, in every relationship, getting to know and explore a new woman's likes and dislikes was always an exciting journey for me. And the "lovey, dovey" stage was especially delicious (i.e., the sparkle in her eyes, the gentle hand squeezes, the head on the shoulder, the sweet half-smiles, and the endless other intimacies between two lovers). The new love would change me differently for the better with each new, unique relationship.
To be honest, I guess I loved being in love - kind of a "love addict," teetering on the fine line that separates romance and chivalry from the ugly practices of sexual predators.
Don't get me wrong. Through the years I have committed almost every adulthood faux pas possible. I've been married three times, divorced three times, and honestly can't count how many relationships I've had in between.
Of course, there was always a "rationale and justifiable" reason for each break-up (e.g., too much time working away from home, infidelity, chronic patterns of neglect, loneliness, boredom, lies, financial irresponsibility, etc.).
And in every case, I always ended up looking like the "good guy," the kind-hearted and sacrificing soul with the misfortune of getting matched with the wrong woman.
But after all these years and relationships, my own pattern was emerging. Then it dawned on me. Could it be that I'm the cause of all these relationship failures?
After my military career ended in retirement, a new life began. Or so I thought...
Until now, I've never stepped outside my own experience and tried to observe the current situation. I'm alone. I've got a lot of time. Why don't I finally explore the real motivations, feelings, and fears behind my misery?
Hell, thinking about these things quickly gives me a headache. I wonder if there's any beer in the fridge? No, I'd only get angry and depressed if I started drinking in this bewildered state.
Oh screw it, just a couple beers to relax......
(Continued in Part II)
Carl "J.C." Pantejo
Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com
Forgiveness, past, hurt, let go, fat, neglected, sadness, depressed, unappreciated, healing, independence, relationships, cried.
About the Author
About the Author:
He is a retired U.S. Military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an A.A., B.S., and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life - while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic. In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he free-fall parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water. He went to Thailand 1 year ago for
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