Everyday we are bombarded with things that make us want to explode. We wake up to find our spouse has left a mess in the bathroom, or the kids are fighting in their bedroom. We break up the kids or clean the bathroom, dress, grab a cup of coffee and quickly run out the door, only to be cut off on the freeway by some jerk that gives us a one-finger wave when we politely beep at him. We get to the office only to be greeted by whiney employees and our boss who tells us the report we spent six hours on yesterday isn't complete and she needs it in an hour. And its only 9 AM! So what's the secret to staying cool, calm and composed while maintaining our self esteem in a tough environment? Here are a few tips to think about as a starter guide to self improvement.

There is a type of crab that exhibit a rather interesting behavior. To catch these crabs, crabbers put pieces of dead fish in a crab cage and then lower it down into the water to the sea bottom. What happens next is very interesting. One crab will enter the cage and start to eat the fish, soon followed by another, and then another and then another until the cage is teeming with crabs and all the fish is gone. What's interesting is the crabs will continue to linger in the crab cage, even though the food is gone. If a poor crab decides that he's tired of this and starts to climb out of the cage the other crabs will grab him and pull him back down. In fact, they will rip him apart if he doesn't stay put. After a while the crabbers come along and pull up the cage so no crab escapes alive.

Does this sound familiar? In life it can seem like everything and everyone else around you is pulling you down, preventing you from climbing higher than where you are at. These crabs will destroy your confidence and self esteem, pulling you down in ways you won't even remember. Don't let these crabs destroy your confidence, or get the best of you. So how do you avoid these crab cages?

Crab Cage Avoider #1: The Negative Work Environment What kind of environment is your workplace? Is it a "dog eat dog" world where everyone is fighting to get ahead? This is the kind of work place where people who could care less about each other's well being thrive. No one cares if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. No one cares how much work you put into your contributions to the company. No one seems to want to help and they only want you to give them what they need and now! If you're in an environment like this get out, or at least refuse to compete in the "dog eat dog" manner because it will ruin your confidence and self esteem. Do your work, complete in a healthy manner but refuse to let yourself be dragged down into the mindset that in order for you to succeed you must crush the completion. With this type of mindset everybody loses.

Crab Cage Avoider #2: Sucked in by Other People's Behavior Here's a fact of life; you cannot control other people, things or anything else; you can only control your own behavior. Don't let yourself be pulled down by bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, and snipers, walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, and sluffers, whatever. Interact with these people on a need to know for what I need to get done basis only. If you allow yourself to be dragged into their cages while you try to "save" them (in whatever manner that might be), you will be exposed to their bad vibes which can suck your self confidence and self esteem, not to mention ruin your self improvement scheme.

Crab Cage Avoider #3: An Ever Changing Environment Here's an old saying, you can't fit a square peg in a round hole. Our world is changing by the minute and these changes challenge the way we see the world. Change tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. It's been said that the one thing we all hate is change but it is has also been said that the only thing that is sure in life is that it will change. Changes, can, and often do make life difficult for a while because it causes stress but it is through change that we will find ways to improve our selves. Change is going to be with us forever so we might as well accept it and do the best we can to live with it. Once we make this decision and no longer push against the inevitable we usually find that the change we dreaded is actually taking us on a new and more rewarding path.

Crab Cage Avoider #4: Your Past Experience We all have a past and part of it is painful. In fact, as Scott Peck in his book "The Road Less Traveled" points out that "life is difficult". Pain is actually good at times. It teaches us lessons and helps us grow. Now while it is okay to cry and say "ouch!" when we experience pain, once the initial pain is gone we need to let it go. It does us no good to search for it, to try and find it over and over again. When we do that the pain transforms itself into the ugly emotion called fear. When it becomes fear the pain controls us and doesn't let us live our lives to the fullest. The result of this fear is the destruction of our self confidence and self esteem. Failure is painful but when we decide to treat our mistakes as part of life's lessons we heal faster and our character grows stronger.

Crab Cage Avoider #5: A Negative World View What are you allowing to influence you? If we believe what the media tells us the world is, like my mother used to say, "Going to hell in a hand basket." Are you allowing friends, family and co-workers to determine how you feel? What groups are you hanging out with? What are you focusing you attention on? Is the office gossip or the world of sound bites from the television? Examine what you're looking at and what you are listening to. Is it only bad news? Be informed but don't wrap yourself in all the negativities of the world. There is a lot of good out there. Look for it and build on it because only by searching for the positive can we build our confidence and self esteem and take ourselves to the levels we strive to reach.

Crab Cage Avoider #6: The Determination Theory People who study human behavior often argue about the influence on our behavior of nature, our genetic input and nurture our environment. In studies of identical twins and alcoholism when interviewed about why he didn't drink one twin said "because my father was an alcoholic." When the other alcoholic twin was interviewed and asked why he drank he said "because my father was an alcoholic." It's interesting that their diametrically opposed behaviors were a direct result of result of their father's alcoholism. This story is a good example that you are more than your genetics. You also are more than your job, your hobbies and your failures. Although you are influenced by things like your upbringing, your family, friends, spouse, company and the economy you have your own unique identity. Learn to embrace who and what you are because when you do you are making a huge leap toward being a self fulfilled confident person.

Yes all of these avoiders are a result of making a positive, rather than a negative choice. Like a captain charting his course, it is a result of talking action, making yourself go in the direction you choose rather than be driven by the wind. Sometimes, you may wonder if some people are born positive thinkers. NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building your confidence and self esteem is a choice, not a rule. You've got to draw the line. No one is going to come along to give you permission to build your confidence and self esteem or make any kind of improvements in your life. That is no one except you.

In life, it's hard to stay tough when things and people around you, like the crabs in the cage, keep pulling you down. Life is about choices, we can choose to make every encounter a battle and go around wearing battle amour or we can choose the way of the master martial artist and choose to when to battle and only as the last resort.

By preparing your mind for the things that can potentially upset you can prepare yourself for peaceful outcomes instead of war. So how can you prepare your mind? As martial artists prepare by practicing over and over again for battles they hope never have to fight, you too can prepare yourself using visualization techniques.

Visualizing Self Esteem and Self Confidence

Being prepared is the best way to avoid the crab cages. Here are some easy ways to use visualization to help prepare yourself for the negative events that will come at you in life.

First, in order to use your imagination it's important to get yourself into a relaxed physical and mental state. Lie down, if you can, or sit in a comfortable chair (your car can work if you recline your seat). Find something to focus on the wall or on the ceiling. Now focus on your breathing and take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Keep focused on the spot you have chosen. Try not to close your eyes or blink. Take a second deep breath continuing to focus on your spot and let your breath out slowly. Now take a third breath and hold it for fifteen seconds and then, when you exhale, allow you eyes to close.

Now using your imagination, visualize the potentially negative encounter you are expecting. Now instead of allowing your imagination to pull you towards the negative, guide it towards the positive.

For example, you are expecting to have a tough conversation with your boss. In the past you have used your imagination to create an image of a difficult time and you having to hold in your comments so you won't offend her. Now instead of allowing your imagination to roam, guide your imagination. See yourself entering the meeting with a calm demeanor. Then use your imagination and watch yourself as you calmly listen to your boss, writing notes as she speaks. You see yourself finding things you agree with her about and reinforcing those ideas with her. Now see yourself raising the issues that are bothering you in a calm, professional manner. You see yourself discussing what you have brought up calmly and find a place you both can agree upon. Finally you see the meeting ending with smiles and an agreement to have these discussions regularly.

What you have just done is used you imagination in a positive way. You use visualization all the time, only most of us only use it in a negative manner, seeing negative outcomes instead of positive ones. This is exactly what William Isaac Thomas said in when he defined the "self fulfilling prophecy," which, in general, says expecting for something to happen will cause us to change our behavior in ways that make the event more likely to happen. So if you expect a positive outcome in your meeting with your boss you'll get it and if you think things will go bad they will.

The problem many people have is "reprogramming" their negative expectations into positive ones. They have been using their imaginations in a negative way for so long their subconscious has a hard time finding a different way of looking at life. This is where the services of a professional hypnotist can help. A professional hypnotist can teach a person how to put themselves in very relaxed physical and mental state. Then using a series of positive suggestion the hypnotists can teach the client how use their imagination in a positive manner. Once the positive image is established in the subconscious the person can use these images for future positive changes.

Hypnosis is a shortcut into the subconscious mind and can help a person make rapid improvements in their lives. A professional hypnotist can act as a guide to help a person "reprogram" their subconscious in a more desirable direction and help them to live the life of their dreams, or visualizations. After learning these techniques a person can then use them any time they please.

Building your self esteem will eventually lead to self improvement. This, in turn will help us to recognize that we are responsible for who we are, what we have and where we want to go. Like a flame it can gradually spread throughout our psyches like a brush fire and change us on the inside and out. As we develop our self confidence and self esteem, we take control of our mission, our values and our discipline. Recognizing that we are in control of these things will develop our self improvement, allowing us to make better assessments of who we are and how to get to where we want to go.

So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self confidence and self esteem, and over time will lead to self improvement. And if you're stuck and you need some help revamping your imagination go see a professional hypnotist to help you on you path to change. Don't let the crabs of life keep you down. It's you life, live it with all you have.

About the Author

Wil Dieck is a professional hypnotist practicing in San Diego, California. For more information about Wil and his practice please go to http://www.e-hypnosisworks.com.