I find it perplexing that although we live in a sophisticated society that enjoys the benefits of advanced science and technology, many of us, especially women, cling to the notion of "the one." The belief, in other words, that there is a perfect person for each of us out there, designed especially for us, and that the fortunes of fate will somehow magically enable us to bump into one another and live happily ever after. In other words, everything will be perfect after meeting Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. Right?

Wrong.

As someone who gives relationship advice for a living, I have often asked: Where do these myths and fantasies originate? At first glance, the mass media are culpable. A large source of the problem is that we are constantly inundated by insidious popular images of what are, in fact, very limited constructions of love and romance. Take your average romantic comedy or Hallmark card, for example, which feature formulaic, pre-digested emotions and contain about as much sincere depth as a bird bath. In fact, the films are virtually identical; only the names change. These movies continually reinforce the myth of "the one," and over time, these messages can begin to affect overall beliefs regarding love and marriage. After all, few relationships in the real world can measure up to the make-believe world of movies and television! If you compare your relationship to one that you see glorified on-screen, you are bound to be disappointed.

Potential harm comes when those fantasies begin to infect reality, and the reality is this: most people get involved with someone who exists in close proximity to them, whether at school, the workplace, local organizations, or the local eatery. In other words, Prince Charming is not going to magically appear like he does in some Meg Ryan film. (Or more accurately, MOST Meg Ryan films!)

The best relationship advice I can offer is this: perfection does not exist. You will be hard pressed to find someone who can magically read your mind and anticipate your every need, nor will you likely find a partner who has the exact some beliefs, tastes, and world-view as you. The reality is that successful partnerships require work, balance, and compromise. Ironically, most folks believe that hard work, whether in school or the workplace, is essential for success, but collectively, however, we think love should somehow magically work without any effort.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against love and romance, but for a relationship to thrive and prosper, you are going to need a lot more than Cupid's arrows and good luck.

Action For The Day: Turn off the romantic comedies and make your own luck!

About the Author

Emily Kensington is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in couples and marital therapy. Her website is www.hearts-and-kisses.com