Behavior Modification just like behavior management & Anger Management is a misnomer. People, as you would expect, resist being modified or managed. People work just like springs: the more you push on them the more they resist. The most excellent approach is Self Modification as a form in a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Workbook. Cognitive Restructuring if performed correctly has the capacity to go deep and transform faulty thinking errors and self demeaning behaviors. The following story is an example of cognitive restructuring text.
Amy constantly feared Cord. She couldn't do right when he was around. He possessed powerful muscles and when he lost control in livid anger, his fist became a fatal weapon that could slay her with a single hit. Her 128lb body was little defense.
Amy stood in the way of his sexual fantasies and yearning for other women. He would therefore trigger in her the very conduct that he didn't like in order to justify his actions. He had fooled himself into believing that she caused all their difficulties. He was always focusing on her deficiencies while in reality she was a faithful, smart, educated woman and nurturing mom.
Amy was one of a myriad of other women and men entangled in the fog of abuse, terrible existence of fear, worry and bewilderment. Unlike damage by a stranger, tough cords of attachment and involuntary programming keep the victim attached to the abuser in an on going practice of violence.
Domestic violence is a disease that is, it is ingrained in a person's life. It produces many symptoms but, unless the disease is removed, the symptoms will persist.
1. Can you name some of the symptoms or signs of domestic abuse? _____________________________
2. Why is domestic violence more emotionally harmful than violence by a stranger? ___________________________
3. How did Amy get rid of her disease? ____________________________________________________________
4. What happens if her and women like her do not cut the ties through complete separation but stop attached to their abuser? ___________________________________________________________
5. Severing relationships can be terrifying and painful. Why should we avoid judging people who continue on in abusive relationships? __________________________________
Those who are abused really need encouragement, not contempt. T or F?
6. How do you go about cutting the strong emotional ties of a disastrous marriage? ________________________________________
VALIDATION
To completely comprehend the abyss of domestic violence, a person must first comprehend the high that comes from interdependency, where the man and the woman have their hierarchy of emotional and physical needs fulfilled. Satisfying one's Hierarchy of Physical needs which are: oxygen, water, food, clothes, shelter isn't difficult, but fulfilling someone's emotional needs is a different question. Take this test:
On a scale from 1-5, rate your marriage in the last two years.
Need to be loved - My partner deeply loved me; He/She was always there for me.
Need to be validated My partner made me feel that I was a good person.
Need to be affirmed My partner made me feel important; I was making a difference in his/her life.
Need to be understood I could always talk to my partner about anything because he/she really listened; What I said was comprehended.
Need to be appreciated - My partner really appreciated everything I did for him/her.
Need to be secure I had a home where I felt safe and secure.
Total=
Excellent: 30-24
Problem: 23-17
Harmful: 16-6
7. What did you score? ____ Which bracket (excellent/problem/harmful) did you fall into? _________ What does this mean? _______________
About the Author
Larry Lloyd founded the American Community Corrections Institute. ACCI sponsors a blog about criminal behavior and related issues.
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