It's amazing how people walk around today appearing normal on the outside yet, on the inside they are a sack of emotional dysfunction disturbingly screwed up and withered. What's worse, they don't even realize how jacked up they really are!

By my own admission, I know I have emotional homework to do. I not only have pop quizzes, I also have lengthy exams to finish and a Thesis that was due yesteryear!!

A friend I've know for years once remarked to me "I wouldn't tell some of my friends to read what you write because I'd be too embarrassed. You don't practice what you write".

Whew! I didn't know how to take that remark. Should I have felt insulted? Or believe her criticism to be constructive?

Listen up! Even though I write about how a situation or life experience should be, and when probed I offer a meager attempt at sharing my opinions, it doesn't necessarily mean that I apply my guidance and follow my own counsel regularly as I know darn-tooting I should. Most people can give advice but rarely do they take their own guidance when faced with problems. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Oh I get it - - you thought I was perfect because I write, right? Sure ya did!! Ahem!

Check this out: I continue to strive and ask the Almighty for excellence 24-7, 365 days per year. I've been doing this all my life. Last time I checked, I was still far from perfect, but I continue to "attempt change" nonetheless. If I fall short for a minute, a month or a multitude of years, knowing I continue to struggle for a better "me" every-single-day-of-my-life, well, in my opinion, I'm doing just fine. I still like and love myself. Understand that I am only human and I am who I am offering no apologies. What can I say? Sue me.

Look at how many people suffer irreversible damage to their emotional selves as a result of bad or harmful past relationships. Naively, they carry this baggage into the next union. These emotional suitcases or unaddressed dysfunctions can cripple an otherwise perfect union. Have we forgotten that an emotional maim is a mere sore festering until we give it the consideration it needs in order to heal?

Let's look at the woman who's been used and abused in her past relationships so much that she now considers every man who inhales and exhales within her airspace to be a "dawg". It matters not if she meets someone who appears to be her knight-in-shining-armor. He's still a man. Branded, tried and sentenced before he can even get a word in to her edgewise.

What about a man who's had his own share of conflict and friction in the liaison department? This guy has an abundance of scars and open emotional sores from many unwholesome relationships that echo imbalance. However, he has not an inkling that something about him is awry. Ask this gent his opinion about a female, any female. Doesn't matter her position within society or how much money she makes. Who cares that she is kind, goes to church on Sunday, is loyal, hardworking and has the capability to love him unconditionally - and to the core. Unfortunately his response is likely to be that all women are loose, conniving, vindictive and not worthy of trust. (With the exception of dear ol' mom, of course!). The way we perceive and/or react to devastating connections in our past unconstructively affect our emotional selves wouldn't you agree? I don't know about you, but it sounds to me as though the man and woman I've just described are emotionally injured and in need of refurbishing. I believe if a person can admit they have a problem, shortcoming or addiction, acknowledging the hindrance exists is more than half the battle.

Since childhood most of us have been conditioned to believe in Santa Claus, Alice in Wonderland, Willie Wonka and Peter Cottontail. However if you still believe in these wondrous fables, then you're gonna also believe the myth that's been perpetuated since childhood. The one allowing women to believe that a knight in shining amour really does exist. Or, that the perfect woman is lingering somewhere in an orange vineyard just waiting to say yes once you pop the question and wrap that ring on her finger thus, sealing your undying love coupled with a kiss. Give me a break!

It's time for us to accept the hard reality that no one is responsible for our happiness. But you do need a positive attitude, surefire goals, prayer to the Almighty, and belief that you can successfully change.

I don't want to live the remainder of my life believing that another person is responsible for my everyday contentment. How helpless would that be for me? Goodness!

We all have baggage. We all have or will encounter at one time or another, a scuff or two relative to a rotten relationship. On the other hand, if you've never experienced same, then pat yourself on the back for me and pluheeeze keep doing whatever it is that you do to maintain your emotional self level, and on point. Better yet, send an email to me about how you keep it all together. I'd sure like to hear how you do it.

I believe the difference between those who have the gaul to admit they do in fact own some baggage and the ones who won't even admit it is this: Those who are willing to lay the cards on the table and fess up are on the path to becoming emotionally healthy recognizing their sore as a wound in need of immediate repair--tackling it head-on! They also know if they continue to ignore this ugly lesion it'll only get worse and spread like a forest fire. Those who ignore that there is something awry about their emotional selves continue to repeat their same ol' way of doing things getting the same ol' results.

In conclusion all I'm saying is this: I want to learn how to take steps, baby steps if need be until my steps become giant ones. Garnering a new way to have a sound, good, emotionally healthy relationship. Even if my new relationship ends up being with "myself". Although I haven't gotten there yet, when I do you'll be the first to know.

I believe we all should get accustomed to doing introspective research. Instead of criticizing those around us, we should take a look in our mirror. Are you happy with the reflection bouncing back at you? We don't have to live our lives emotionally bankrupt. We can change ourselves. Even though changing is one of the most challenging tasks one will ever endeavor, it can be accomplished with a great deal of success. We don't have to be a product of the environment our past relationships laid out for us. We can change the perception we have about our lives. We can change the image of ourselves that we see on the regular as well. Change. A small word right? But boy does it carry a colossal weight!

If you beg to differ, after reading this story, sit down and take a good deep look at yourself. Consider the way you live, where you live, who you live with, how you're treated by your spouse or companion. How you treat your spouse or companion. Do you have a job that you love? What about a job you like? Do you have a job at all? Do you like who you've become thus far? Has your life turned out to be the way you expected it would? Have you lived your life in a way that will make your children want to follow your lead step-by-step? If your answer is no? Change. @ 2007 by C.V. Harris. All rights reserved.

About the Author

This writer gives her opinion about being emotionally dysfunctional.