Sixty percent of all marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce. Children of divorce have a higher risk of divorce when they marry and an even higher risk if the person they marry comes from a divorced home. One study found that when the wife alone has experienced a parental divorce, her odds of divorce increased to 59 percent. When both spouses experienced parental divorce, the odds of divorce nearly tripled to 189 per cent. Nevertheless marriage still remain one of the most fundamental institutions in this society and the most viable institution for producing and developing the next generation.

Nonetheless, the reality is that marriages can and often fail for many different reasons. Here I will describe three of the most essential ones that often lead to a marital failure:

a. Upbringing: All of us are products of our families and specifically derive either positive or negative role modeling from our mothers and fathers and consequently develop a view of what a marital relationship should consist of. Also, we have a set of experiences based on our relationship with them that we bring into our marriages. Even so all too often young couples enter into marriage with either negative or no experience in preparation in the skills needed for healthy marriage.

b. Expectations: The expectations and presumptions that individuals have for what love can and should do for them is often surprising. Many relationships that deteriorate are comprised of individuals who deep down inside believe that love should solve all of their problems. Moreover they often naïvely believe that love will happen to them instead of recognizing that they have to work at it in order to achieve it. However, if you have to work too hard at the marriage and it becomes hard labor, it is probably a signal of incompatibility. Remember that a happy marriage is based on teamwork and cooperation. Eliminate all competition and avoid being critical. Try to say yes whenever possible.

c. Negativity. Unfortunately it seems that people tend to focus on and remember only their problems when things are going poorly, and forget whatever is positive. They tend to actively focus on the one argument, even after several sessions in therapy, and forget what might otherwise have been an excellent and improved week. They act as though one negative interaction is more important than several positive ones. I often find it necessary to redirect them to focus on the gains they have made. They also forget that if they're still together, there's usually something good that is keeping them that way.

While you can't do anything about your upbringing, you need to recognize its influence on your behavior and not be negatively affected by it. Expectations need to be realistic and not pie in the sky. And, when you focus and build on the positives in your relationships, the negatives begin to diminish due to a lack of attention. There are no simple solutions for marriages that are candidates for failure. Nevertheless therapy will help you and your spouse to discover; to understand; and to work on these factors contributing to your difficulty.

About the Author:
Will Barnes, Therapist and Consultant, for over thirty-eight years has counseled and consulted with individuals and families in the areas of relationship building, personal growth, and making sound financial decisions. Visit http://www.yourconsultantsite.com for more articles to help you live your life to the fullest.