Lack of intimacy in a marriage can leave both partners feeling depressed, anxious, and unsatisfied. Unfortunately, this is more common in marriages than most people realize. There are some contributing factors, such as busy schedules, children, stress, and simply falling into routines. No matter what the reason, there are some specific ways to work on this problem.

One of the main reasons couples have a hard time progressing is that both are waiting for the other to change. When it comes to a lack of intimacy, the woman might be waiting for her husband to sweep her off her feet with romance. Meanwhile, the man might want his wife to surprise him. Both end up at a standstill with resentment building up as the days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months. Choose to become the assertive one in the relationship. Take charge and see what may happen.

A great way to start gaining back intimacy is by making one night a week a date night. This might be more difficult for some than others. Do your best to find a babysitter, align schedules, and to work it into the budget. Put effort into making the date special, just like you did before marriage. Wear nice clothes and spend some extra time on grooming. While on the date, do not just sit in silence. Talk to your partner. Stay away from stressful topics. Ask how his or her day was, or reminisce about funny or romantic times you have had in the past. 

Having an open and frank conversation will also help make some progress. Do so in a calm manner. Do not get angry or overly emotional, even if what your partner says is upsetting. Sometimes there are concrete reasons for his or her diminishing intimacy. The reason might be medical. It can also be as simple as your partner not having enough energy at the end of the day. Try to figure out if there are any apparent roadblocks, and what both of you can do to get around them.

If you have tried your best to get intimacy back into your marriage and have failed, you may want to consider seeking professional counseling. Having a partner reject your continued advances can be very painful. It is important to find out what is going on, and sometimes it helps to have an objective and professional third party step in. 

A lack of intimacy does not have to tear your marriage apart. Work on getting it back by taking action, talking about it, setting aside a date night, or by finding professional help. You can improve your marriage with more intimacy.

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