Substance abuse is a danger to any marriage. The stress of modern living has led to dangerous addictions such as chain-smoking, drug addiction and alcoholism becoming more and more commonplace. These addictions not only destroy the health of the individual but also become a threat to the marriage if that individual is married. What should you do if your spouse is a heavy drinker who becomes abusive while in a drunken stupor? You must save your marriage from being torn apart by the menace of alcoholism.

Why Some People Drink

People who indulge in substance abuse such as alcoholism are trying to avoid their personal problems. They try to get away from it all and drown their sorrows with alcohol. The advantage for such a marriage partner is that he does not have to deal with relationship problems or resolve conflicts. Instead, he leaves an angry, hurt and distressed spouse to handle unresolved marital problems while he's out drinking.

What to Do

In this article I wish to address the problem of your spouse's drinking. Obviously this article also applies to you if YOU are the one with the drinking problem.

Here are some practical things you can do as a couple if one (or both) of you has a drinking problem.

1. Recognize it to be a problem that can potentially tear your marriage apart. Alcohol consumption can be addictive. Everyone has his or her limit and sometimes it is not easy to keep to that limit. It is better to stay far away from your limit than to constantly drink as much as you like thinking that you would not get drunk. Since alcohol consumption is addictive, it is difficult to stop once you start. Therefore especially if you know you have a weakness in the area of drinking, it is best to either stop after the first drink or not drink at all no matter what the occasion may be.

2. Avoid turning to alcohol for solace or to take your mind away from your problems. Drinking will not get rid of your problems. In fact, it ADDS to it the possibility of damage to your marriage. Many a husband has become violent and physically abusive while drunk. I have found that the best means of attaining peace in times of stress is to pray. You may have your own ways of calming down, be it through religion or exercise or relaxation techniques etc. By all means use them except do not turn to drinking.

3. Think of the long-term health damage alcohol consumption brings to you. You owe it both to yourself as well as your partner and children to live a long and productive life. Alcohol brings with it the risk of many diseases such as liver cirrhosis and liver cancer. These diseases may be fatal and many have succumbed to it at an early age. The wisest thing to do is avoid excessive drinking for the sake of your loved ones.

4. If your spouse is the one with the drinking problem, my advice is to seek help. There are support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous that have been helping alcoholics and their families for many years. In their website, it is stated, 'The Alcoholics Anonymous Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems.' A.A., as they are commonly known, has a twelve-step program to help families of alcoholics. To decide whether Alcoholics Anonymous is suitable for your situation, go to the section entitled, 'Is Al-Anon for You?' in which there are three quizzes you can take. Go to http://www.al-anon.org/questions.html.

5. If your spouse gets physically violent, you have to get away. Have a back-up plan for what to do if you need to leave suddenly with your children. Physical abuse cannot be excused. If you have family or friends who could take you in, do get in touch with them ahead of time. Don't just say, "I'll wait and do something about it if it happens again." By that time, it may be too late. If you do not have anyone you can turn to, seek the advice of a marriage counselor or the people at Alcoholics Anonymous. They will help you determine what the best course of action would be if the abuse happens again.

6. Make changes in your own habits, attitudes and behavior towards your spouse. As you change your spouse will notice it and this can lead to some changes in his feelings and behavior. There is no guarantee that this will be enough to motivate him to get help for the drinking problem, but it creates the possibility for something to change in your marriage. If you don't do anything, it is unlikely that things will change by themselves.

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Conclusion

In our world today, drinking is a very real problem that needs to be addressed especially in the home. Addiction to alcohol must not be allowed to disrupt a marriage at any cost.

About the Author

Clarence Chan is a minister, counselor and trainer. A husband and father of five children, Clarence has been helping couples improve their marriages for over 20 years. He has spoken and written extensively on marriage issues especially on saving troubled marriages. Today, Clarence continues to give marriage counsel to couples both personally and through his writings, websites and blogs. Visit http://www.savemarriagestoday.com