I'm always hearing about how a "real" man does so and so and this and that and in response I also hear how a "real" woman does such and such and blah de blah doh.

I often wonder where these mythical creatures actually reside and how people know what the chief characteristics of these reclusive entities are. I mean I've hardly ever heard people say that this person is a "real" man or "real" woman. These rarely seen entities are usually just templates to disparagingly compare a wayward mate or someone else to.

But what would a real "real" man or woman look like? What would they act like?

For one thing a real "real" man would have to have kids because that's one thing that people always mention, how a "real" man takes care of his kids; so men without kids cannot be considered "real" men. If you wanna be a "real" man go out there and have some kids so you can take care of them for one thing.

For another thing a real man is "sensitive" to his woman's needs. So, and I guess this should come first, a real man should have a woman and then be sensitive to her needs. This usually classifies as being telepathic since a "real" man doesn't need to be told how to treat a woman, he just knows like some kinda magical mind reading freak.

This also comes under how a "real" man knows how to treat a woman.

A real man also doesn't stay out all night with the boys and then come home late at night. This means that a real man always comes home at a reasonable hour and doesn't really ever leave his wife alone. A real man is always a simple phone call away and always answers his phone.

A real man will for the most part stand up for his wife or woman, again by making use of his telepathic powers he will know if on one occasion or the other she can take care of herself or if this time she wants him to step in. This is a very tricky maneuver, and he has to use all his smarts for this since one wrong move and a "real" man may find himself demoted to just a "regular" man.

A "real" man is secure in his masculinity but is able to show his feminine side unless from his telepathy he detects that it may turn off his partner. I tell you, how could a real man ever survive without telepathy, it's a life saver?!!

A real man should also not be interested in other women. He shouldn't need to look at or even really discuss other women since his wife or mate should be all the woman that he needs.

So from what we can assess a "real" man is actually a gay man who happens to like one woman which means he's not really gay so he's not actually a "real" man. Or if we look at it another way, since many women seem to be able to function without sex a real man may just be a gay man!!

Well thank goodness there aren't very many "real" men otherwise the human race might just completely die off. Thankfully there are many sub-standard men who father numerous children all over the place knowing that responsible women will take care of them and keep the human race in existence.

So for father's day we would like to acknowledge all the irresponsible bastards who gave us life and then walked away, knowing our lives would be better off without them trying to fake being responsible. The truth did set us free. (Just joking people)

As for the "real" woman what does she act like? Well for one thing she feeds her man, she turns him on and knows how to take care of him, if you know what I mean heh, heh, heh. For most men it means she's content to worst case just lie there when he wants to do his business.

The real woman may also pick out her man's clothes and make sure the kids are taken care of so they don't disturb him when he comes home from work.

Basically a real woman is a cross between a maid, a cook, a babysitter and a stripper. So as we can see if only we could add stripping or at the very least pole dancing to high school home economics curricula we could save many, many relationships and restore unity to the family.

Hopefully this discussion will cause many young men and women to chose homosexuality and home-ec/ stripping and make our society a better place to live in.

About the Author

Fitzgerald Trevis Scott is a smart-aleck from the twin sandbar, sorry twin island state of Trineedad and Tobargo, or Trinidad and Tobago if you insist. My non funny website is www.fitzgeraldscott.com