The Land of Fartleberry

By Ross Dix-Peek

There is a land with which we are all familiar, a land replete with vast castles, legions of luxury vehicles and a plethora of fashion-conscious mannequins; the republic of Fartleberry. Its gilded gates herald spectacular and luxuriant gardens, verdant lawns, palatial mansions and effulgent phaetons. Its denizens are easily discernible, and ever-desirous of glowing and cloying compliments. They saunter around, constantly self-aware and are needy, ever so needy. They inhabit only the finest boutiques, and are masters of "conspicuous consumption" - acquiring without hesitation nor beset by conscience, a gleaming red-Ferrari, a ten-bedroom mansion, or a sea of pearls and glittering diamonds. One does not have to venture to the far corners of the earth to alight upon these folk. They are an incessant and pervasive blight on humanity, and they are everywhere, a constant and gnawing reminder of man's flaws. Fartleberries may reside in huge suburbs, or just constitute the odd-one among us. They may be found in cliques, or individually pursuing their all-consuming desires. One thing remains certain, they, these citizens of fartleberry, are always to the fore, always evident and forever in our faces, or rather a dirty smudge on healthy cheeks. But, the lovely thing about a fartleberry, is that no matter how much you may wish to disguise or dissemble, a fartleberry remains a fartleberry - i.e. just plain old excrement hanging tenaciously to the hairs of a person's anus. This is pretty apt, for not only are they a dissight, as well as an irritant, a fartleberry's existence is precarious, and inevitably results in being flushed down a toilet...justice, would'nt you say...and not an ideal any intelligent person would wish to aspire to. But, the lovely thing about fartleberries is- here today, gone, gone, gone tomorrow!

About the Author

Born in Salisbury, Rhodesia, in 1970. An Archivist by profession, and freelance writer. Interested in History, Military History, Social-ills, the English Language, and various other pursuits.