At last count, there were 17 candidates for President. In case you don't have them all on instant recall, here they are:

1. Joe Biden 2. Hillary Clinton 3. Christopher Dodd, 4. John Edwards 5. Mike Gravel 6. Dennis Kucinich 7. Barach Obama 8. Bill Richardson 9. Sam Brownback 10. Rudolph Giuliani 11. Mick Huckabee 12. Duncan Hunter 13. John McCain 14. Ron Paul 15. Mitt Romney 16. Tom Tancredo 17. Fred Thompson

But have any of them made even one great, rousing speech? Oh, you know, one about such trivial topics as the destiny of America and investing in our own people and infrastructure, instead of in distant, ungrateful lands.

The only bright word in the verbal miasma emanated from an extraordinarily unlikely source, Newt Gingrich, who announced that he won't run. Although his talk-show admission was brief and lackluster, so far it ranks as the best speech of the presidential campaign.

Otherwise, there is no urgent need to take off your earphones. If any of our muttering candidates manages to break into a speech of even the slightest significance, you won't be able to escape the din of the reportage.

About the Author

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "good, genuine laughs" and "great humor and ebullience."