I'd like to start off by welcoming everyone to Poverty 101. My name is Tim Ward and I'll be your instructor for the semester. Poverty 101 is a great class and I hope you all enjoy taking it as much as I love teaching it. Please feel free to raise your hands if you have any questions and/or comments, student participation is always welcome as it makes my job a lot easier. Every time someone asks a question that's 10 less minutes I have to fill with course material. And you can imagine that in a class about poverty course material is very scarce.

In fact, quite a few of the items that you have been used to receiving in your other classes are scarce, if not nonexistent, in this class. For example, you might have noticed that there are no textbooks for this course. Part of living in poverty is learning how to do without the nonessentials. Other professors may feel that textbooks are important but I say they're a waste of money. I am perfectly capable of teaching you all you need to know about Poverty without having to consult some textbook that was written by a college graduate who lives in a gated community and drives a $80,000 automobile.

You might have also noticed that there are no desks in this classroom. Instead there are only a few overturned 5 gallon buckets and a couple of empty banana crates. These pieces of 'furniture' were donated by the local landfill workers and serve just as well as those high dollar desk and chair units that you find in most classrooms.

Few of you realize this but sitting for long hours without any back support is also good for the digestion. The constant pain in your back keeps you from thinking about the knawing hunger pains in your stomach. Yes I know about the stomach pains. That is why instead of a Lunch break we will take a 30 minute Meditation break where we will ponder what we would be eating were we able to afford it.

I would also ask everyone to pay extra attention to where he/she sits and walks. This classroom serves as a barn during the day for the agriculture classes and every now and then there are some surprises left on the floor that the AgriNomics 202 students forget to pick up and use as fertilizer.

Students stepping in clumps of horse droppings disrupts my class and I will not tolerate disruptions when lecturing on a subject as serious as poverty. If any of you are sicken by horse dropping you may move you seat/bucket to the back of the room. This is where the hogs are kept during the day and you may find the conditions there more to your liking.

This classroom is also unencumbered by such frivolous items as chalkboards, overheard projectors, televisions, etc. This is mainly because our classroom failed a recent inspection and is therefore devoid of another nonessential luxury, namely, electricity. If you find that the lack of lighting gets to be too much for you then I recommend you wear brighter clothing.

Well it seems that our time has ran out for the day. Tomorrow we will pick up where we left off and I will explain more of the class rules and guidelines for Poverty 101. I'm sure all of you are eagerly anticipating Day 2 and you will all be here on time. Before you leave, however, I ask that everyone stack their crates and buckets neatly along the right hand wall. Just because you're poor doesn't mean you have to leave my classroom looking like a barn. Well, you know what I mean...

About the Author

Tim Ward spends his free time attempting to make money by writing. You can help him in his quest by visiting Tim-Ward.com.